2003-06-03 - 9:54 a.m.

We had a rough night last night but I think we're better now.

I came out of the shower yesterday afternoon to find The G sitting at the computer, composing a document in Word. I caught glimpse of the first few lines and I began to cry. The G is debating whether or not to resign the marketing position and go back to cardmember services. He doesn't feel like it's a good fit for him. Naturally, this makes me feel terrible because I feel like I pushed him into taking the job. I feel like he feels like I pushed him into taking it (even if he refuses to admit it). He never told me that he was feeling this way. I could tell something wasn't quite right, but couldn't put a finger on it. Now I know.

We talked about it for a long time last night, during which I cried a lot and we held each other tightly and we never really figured anything out. When he left for work this morning, he took the document he had composed (as well as something else he folded up tightly and jammed into his pocket) with him. I'm not sure if he's going to try to sit down face to face with both Roger and Mike (Roger being the bigwig in Marketing and Mike being the bigwig in CMS) or if he's going to try to give it a little more time or what, but I've done my best to reassure him that I'm with him no matter what he decides to do. I tried to assure him that it's natural to be scared when starting something new, but I don't think he's feeling like it's ok to feel that way.

I don't know-I worry about him and how he internalizes everything. He doesn't talk about the stuff that bothers him...he just "goes for a run" or something to try to "clear his head". I'd be happy if he just talked with me about what he's got going on. He said he doesn't want me to worry-uh hello? I married for better or for worse, not just for good times.

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