2003-05-12 - 9:19 a.m.

Spent quite the day with my mother yesterday, and even managed to throw in "Baby needs a new pair of shoes" somewhere in the mix.

When I first called her, it was around 10 and I didn't think she'd be up (I was, however, awake at 8:30 thanks to The G needing to go to his mom's in C-town and having to have a head start), so I waited around until about 11 to call again. Dad called at noon to say "Red rover, red rover, send Melis right over" and hung up!

I got there, gave mom her cards and gift (some "Remember" bath and body wash from Philosophy that was a short time promo sometime last winter and I bought all the store had at that time-3 bottles) and she cried when she read the bottle. It was pretty touching...was one of those things to support breast cancer research, so naturally was pretty heart wrenching to read. Anyway, she collected herself and asked what I'd like to do. Told her it was HER day and we could do whatever, I just didn't feel like stitching at that exact moment as was antsy and wanted to be out and about. I had to get hair color but that was really the only thing I *had* to get, so we went to a local craft store (to which I gave her my 50 bonus fun point coupon to so she could get extra fun bucks later) and picked out some beads for her needlework, went to Michael's where we got more beads and a charm or two, and while in Michael's I made a passing remark about "maybe it might be a good idea to get another pair of shoes to switch off with since I'm walking so much now" and she jumped at the hint. We headed to Famous Footwear-a place I usually hate however after trying on two pairs of shoes found a pair I absolutely loved and they were under $50. I asked if I could get them, to which she laughed and said "OF COURSE!"-not something she did much when I was growing up. Generally if I wanted something, I was asked if I absolutely, couldn't possibly live without it and if I could honestly say yes, then she'd consider it. She's become a bit of a spoiler of me lately and you know what? I'm taking it. I spent too many years going without (and I still go without many things I really should probably have-like orthodics for my shoes since my feet are screwed up) and since she wants to do it, I'll let her. Anyway, we got the shoes and picked up some haircolor-"Cherry Cordial-bright auburn"....this scares me a little but I wanted to try the highlighting thing and since we had a $5 off coupon for it Mom jumped at the chance and we headed home.

We had dinner, and after dad left for work, the tears started. She was thinking about Nana and how much she misses her....I know she thinks about her all the time, and this was only the second Mother's Day without her. We both cried, we talked about important (and a lot of really NOT important) things, and I got her laughing before the night was over. When it came time for me to ask for financial help, she didn't even flinch and immediately wrote me a check. It's stuff like this that makes me really glad I can be open with her about my life.

I am a very proud person, and I hate to ask for help-from ANYONE. I hate to have to beg for money, stamps, sympathy-anything. Mom knows this, and she understands. Before I fell ill five years ago, I was bringing home more than she was at the time and now I'm lucky if I even get a check, my attendance is so sporatic. I was making good money and living well. I was making headway on bills and everything and then my world came crashing in on me. Fortunately, she was there for me to help dig me out of the hole. Sometimes it seems like she just keeps on digging, but for those brief moments when the digging isn't needed, it's like a symphony for me.

My mother is my symphony.

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