2003-05-07 - 10:15 p.m.

No real answers about my ear or the incessant ringing I'm having in it. I had my hearing checked (again) today, although this time by a cute audiologist-and he showed me just how diminished my right ear's hearing has become. This ear also is the one that everyone sounds like helium suckers on the phone with. I noticed today that the left ear doesn't sound that way, so I am having to shift everything to the left ear since my right ear was my "phone ear".

I went with mom while she donated platelets today and they were supposed to call me once Uber Ear Doc looked at my tests. Instead, I got a message on my voicemail telling me to call them back with a pharmacy to call meds to. I called them, told them Targhetto on Saddle Creek, and then called the pharmacy to ask what was called in. I had to hold my tongue and try not to scream "FUCK!" while standing at Michael's with my mother when Tina told me Uber Ear Doc called in prednisone. If you haven't figured out by now, prednisone is my kryptonite. It's my nemesis, and it should be destroyed. I don't even know how prednisone is supposed to help my (temporary?) hearing loss or the fucking ringing in my head, but I cannot bring myself to take these tiny pills. They make me irrational (more than normal), paranoid, and the worst-they make me EAT. EVERYTHING. ALL THE TIME.

I'm fucking sitting here, crying like a baby because I know what this stuff does to me and I fear it. I hate how it makes my already shitty immune system even worse. I hate how it makes me insatiably hungry. I hate how I cannot fucking sleep when I'm taking it.

I

can't

do

this

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